Those Left Behind
by Nyneve
Summary: 3 Vignettes. No. 2: I Heard Your Voice. His doomed marriage finally ended, Athrun makes one final appeal to the woman he loves...
1. Vignette 1: Day of Sorrows

I do not own Gundam Seed.

Vignette One:

Day of Sorrows

_**Weddings are supposed to be joyful events. But he looks like he wants to cry…**_

That same thought ran through Miriallia's head over and over every time she glanced from Kira sitting next to her to the solemn, beautiful couple standing together at the front of the church. She wasn't one hundred percent sure of the circumstances that had led to this day, Athrun Zala and Lacus Clyne's wedding day, but deep in her heart she felt that very little, if any, good would come of it.

They had been veterans for three years. And Lacus had been Kira's girlfriend for two and a quarter of those years. Then came the announcement that their relationship was over and she would be marrying her original fiancé. It had severely jarred the relationship between the three; or four if you counted Cagalli.

Miriallia knew that it was really Cagalli's duty to be sitting in her spot. Whatever extent of heartbreak Kira felt, his sister was the one most capable of helping him deal with it. But no. Cagalli was not like Kira. She could be a bitter, angry woman, and now that anger and bitterness was all directed at Athrun. When Kira's heart broke, he retreated to the depths of his soul. When Cagalli's broke, she exploded in a rage of hateful words and violent actions towards her ex-boyfriend. She gave him no chance to explain his reasoning; indeed, she had only heard about the wedding from Miriallia herself, who had explained how badly that Kira was going to need her.

But no.

Cagalli Ula Atha did not forgive.

Cagalli Ula Atha did not forget.

And there was no way in hell she would come within a thousand miles of Athrun and Lacus's wedding.

Silently, the red haired woman reached out for Kira's hand. He gripped it tightly and exhaled shakily. Miriallia frowned. There was alcohol on his breath. Not a lot, but she could still smell the sweet-sour odor. Her heart went out to him. In the past six months he'd started drinking as an escape from the pain. Usually he would sober up for her one or two monthly visits (just to keep an eye on him) but she knew about the vodka and the whisky and the tequila that went in and out of his apartment in the middle of the night.

Turning her face back to the front, she had to admit she was in awe of the bride. Lacus had always been beautiful, and today she was exceptionally gorgeous. Her soft rose-colored hair fell free in waves down her back, and almost seemed to melt into the long white train of her dress. She was smiling. But it was an empty smile.

Kira knew about the emptiness. That was why he couldn't hate her for doing this.

_"What do you mean, it needs to end?"_

_"Kira…I've…I've been speaking to Athrun lately…"_

_"About what?"_

_"…About our fathers' wishes."_

_"That you should have gotten married?"_

_"…"_

_"Lacus?"_

_"Kira, it wasn't just a political arrangement. You know about the difficulties in Coordinator pregnancies, right?"_

_"Yes…"_

_"Well, Athrun and I had been matched even before we were born because our fathers knew that the risks losing any children we might have would be greatly lessened. That was the other reason we were betrothed."_

_"So what's your point?"_

_"Kira…I found out I was pregnant two weeks ago."_

_"What?!?!?!"  
Tears filled her eyes. "I didn't tell you because I was worried about it. About whether the child would live. And…Kira…"_

_He just looked at her._

_"I…I miscarried…"_

_He still remained silent._

_Her tears spilled forth. "Kira I'm so sorry. But…I can't risk it again…"_

_"Lacus it's not your fault," he whispered, reaching out to her. She threw herself into his arms and clung to him. His shoulder quickly became soaked with her tears._

_He petted her hair and looked at her. "It's…I'm sorry. If I had known…"_

_"I didn't want to hurt you Kira."_

_"I know. But Lacus…nothing you could do could hurt as much as throwing away everything we have together! It was one time, an accident—"_

_"Kira…"_

_"We'll try again Lacus and—"_

_"No Kira! No…" she whispered, looking up at him. "Kira…it wasn't the first time. Every time I've hidden from you."_

_"Still…" he held her tightly. "Lacus, you are…everything to me. I love you so much. And we can get through this if we try. I know we both want a family. And we **will**, Lacus. We could, adopt, or—"_

_"It wouldn't make a difference, Kira. We could love another child, make it ours, but…it wouldn't make this go away. This will **never** go away."_

_She let go of him and stood up._

_"So that's it then. These past couple of years…"_

_"—Were the best I have ever had," she smiled sadly. "Kira…I think if I stay with you, I'm going against the will of God."_

_"No, you're going against the will of your father."_

_"Well then my father was right in this case!" she cried out. Her eyes locked with his, and time seemed to stop for a few moments. And then, she turned and walked out the apartment door._

_She never came back._

Lacus was not marrying Athrun for love. She was marrying him in hopes of regaining some sense of dignity, self-respect, confidence. And Kira, for all that he loved her, just could not do that. He should have hated her for doing this, for being so selfish, so thoughtless as to his feelings. And yet, he couldn't help but think back to when he first met her, and how perfect she seemed. It was not until he saw her flaws, her defects that he fell in love with her. How ironic that those same flaws were the ones that would betray him and leave him a broken young man in an empty apartment with only liquor bottles and periodic visits from his remaining friend to keep him sane?

Suddenly, he felt Miriallia's grip on his hand tighten and tug him upwards. He blinked and stood, staring emotionlessly at the front of the church. In the past moments that he had relived the day his life had ended, Lacus and Athrun had married.

_**I wonder where he's gone?**_

Miriallia sat alone at her table at the edge of the dance floor. The banquet had gone smoothly (awkwardly smoothly), and had easily progressed into dancing and drinking and congratulations to the bride and groom. Taking another absentminded drink at her Manhattan, she scanned the ballroom for Kira, but to no avail. She sighed; she knew exactly where he was. At the open bar, probably halfway to passing out.

Finishing her drink, she stood up and was about to head for the door when someone tapped her on the shoulder.

"Care to dance?"

She turned and locked eyes with Dearka Elthman. His eyes sparkled and slowly trailed down her green satin clad body, and stopped just below her neck. Her eyes narrowed.

"I was wondering if I would run into you here," she said warily.

He smiled, charming as ever. "Been a while, huh Miri?"

"Don't call me that."

"All right. Dance with me and I won't," Dearka answered.

"Fine," she muttered, letting him take her hand and lead her out to the dance floor.

She had ended the relationship with the coordinator about a year and a half ago, when she realized he had been cheating on her with a writer from a local newspaper. It had _not_ been a smooth breakup, and had gone complete with name-calling, phone threats, and the burning of all of his clothes. By the end of it, she had wondered what it was that attracted her to him in the first place.

But as they danced now, she started to remember. His charm was a big part of it; you couldn't help but like him and his confident smile. He was funny too, never ceasing to make her laugh when she was depressed. And the sex had been good. However, she couldn't help but wonder if she had only started dating Dearka to help her get over Tolle. After the war had ended, he had been there when Kira was with Lacus, when Cagalli was with Athrun, and she had been alone. She had to admit, if Tolle had been there she probably wouldn't have given the blond coordinator the time of day. But with no one left but him…

"You look good, Miriallia," he commented, snapping her out of her reverie.

"Oh…um, thanks. You too," she answered.

He smiled. "Where are you living these days?"

"Orb. I wanted to be near Kira and Cagalli. Actually, I've been doing office work for her for quite some time now," Miriallia replied.

"Nice. Got a boyfriend?"

"No. I date though," she answered, choosing her words carefully. The _last_ thing she was going to tell him was that she hadn't had a steady boyfriend since their breakup. "What about you?"

"Not much. Travel a lot, do a little intelligence work here and there, living off vet's pension. Broke up with my girlfriend two weeks ago, but I've got a date with this chick I met in a bar over the weekend," he answered.

"Ah…" she mused. The song was ending, "Well…"

"May I cut in?"

Athrun Zala appeared at Dearka's shoulder, smiling slightly at Miriallia.

"Yeah, sure," his friend answered, then looked back at her. "It was real nice seeing you again Miri…Miriallia."

"Same to you, Dearka," she replied.

"You're a bad liar," he smirked, then kissed her cheek before allowing Athrun to take his place.

"Well…" Miriallia asked. "How does it feel to be married?"

"Ask me again in a week," he smiled, glancing at his new wife. His face suddenly fell. "Miriallia…I was hoping we could talk."

Her expression was puzzled. She didn't know Athrun very well. Oh she had double dated with him a few times when she was going with Dearka, and she knew him as Kira's friend and Cagalli's boyfriend. They were acquaintances though, not friends.

"I'm worried," he said, looking at her.

"About who?"

"Everyone," Athrun answered. "Kira…Cagalli…Lacus…myself…"

"Athrun it's probably just nerves. This morning you woke up a single man, and tonight you're going to bed married," she rationalized.

He paused and studied her closely. "Dearka was right. You _are_ a bad liar."

"What? Why?"

"Tell me the truth, Miriallia," Athrun asked seriously. "Do you hate me? For what I did to Kira and Cagalli?"

"Athrun…I…" she sighed. "I can't judge you, Athrun. I can't hate you for hurting them. Because if I was…"

"What?" he pressed.

She paused. "I'm thinking back to something Cagalli told me once when we were talking about the war. She told me about how her father had said that hatred doesn't solve anything. If I hated you for hurting them, you might hate me for hating you. And then someone else might hate you for hating me, and…well, you know how it goes. It's a vicious cycle."

"I suppose…"

"And…Athrun," she looked into his deep aqua eyes. "I know you're not trying to hurt anyone by doing this. So why did you marry her?"

"Honor, mostly," he answered. "It was my father's wish. And…she _needs _me, Miriallia."

"What about Cagalli?"  
"I love her. I will love her more than anything else until the day I die. And I know that she used to love me too," Athrun explained. "But…she doesn't need me. She doesn't need anyone." He sighed. "She's so strong, Cagalli. The strongest person I've ever known. You agree?"

She nodded.

"I know you think I wasn't trying to hurt anyone. But maybe…maybe I was. Maybe I wanted to hurt her for not needing me. I've always been a little jealous of her for how she can keep so much pride and dignity even when she acts like a spoiled child. So maybe I wanted to take away some of that pride and dignity," he murmured.

"Athrun…"

He looked back at her. "I know we haven't been very close in the past, Miriallia. But I need you to promise something. Take care of them. Kira _and_ Cagalli. You're so good at taking care of people who need you. So be there for them when the do. Can you promise me that?"  
"I…of course," she answered. "And I need you to promise me something."

"What?"

"Don't let Cagalli die hating you. She doesn't deserve that. Even if you can't make her love you again, don't let her hate you forever, Athrun."

"I won't. I promise," he answered.

As the song ended, she stepped away from him. "I'm going to go find Kira," Miriallia said. "I hope things go well for you, Athrun. It'll probably be a while before we see each other again."

He nodded. "Thank you, Miriallia. Good luck."

"Thank you."

_**It looks cold outside…**_

Kira stared out the window blankly. His mind was sodden with whiskey, his heart broken, and his soul lost somewhere out in the frozen night. It had left him the day that Lacus left him, and it too had never come back.

He had started to die then. All he had to do now was finish the job. Opening his suitcase, he pulled out the small handgun and a package of bullets.

There was a knock on the door. "Kira?"

It was unlocked. Miriallia opened it and gasped. "Kira no!"

The gun still pressed against his temple, he turned to face her. "Mir…"

"Kira…" she took a wary step forward. "Kira put the gun down."

"I can't, Mir," he whispered. Tears started to fall down his face. "I'm sorry."

"Kira, put it down, for God's sake. Think about what you're doing!" Miriallia cried. "Please, don't…"

"I'm sorry Mir," he cried. "But I can't…I can't watch her…"

"Kira…" she murmured, still walking closer to him.

"Mir…oh God Mir…"

The gun thudded to the floor as he passed out. Luckily, she caught him in her arms as he fell forward. Carefully, she laid him on the bed, then picked up the gun, emptied it, and put both in her purse. Then she sat down on the bed and pressed a wet washcloth against his forehead in attempts to revive him.

About five minutes later, he opened his bloodshot purple eyes and looked up into her sapphire blue ones.

"Mir…?" he asked softly, his voice still slurred. He sat up quickly and gagged, but swallowed hard and tried not to sway so much.

"Kira, you're drunk," she stated gently.

He said nothing, but turned and embraced her tightly, hooking his chin over her shoulder. "I'm sorry…so sorry…Mir. I…I just…"

Standing suddenly, he made a staggered dash into the bathroom and slammed the door behind him. The sound of vomiting issued forth. Unsure of what to do, Miriallia stood by the door, trying not to retch herself from the sounds of his efforts. Fifteen or twenty minutes passed, and then she heard the shower turn on. At first, she was terrified that he would try to drown himself. She had enough time to hide her purse in the wall vault and put the key in her shoe. Not wanting to leave him alone in order to go change, she sat on the bed and continued to wait. Finally, the shower shut off and he emerged, wearing a white baggy t-shirt and sweatpants. He looked a little more sober, but no less heartbroken and grief-stricken than he had been when she walked in.

"Kira, are you…feeling better?" she asked softly.

He nodded, then sat down next to her. "I'm…sorry. I didn't mean to…"

"Shh…" she whispered, then put her arms around him and rubbed his back as though he were a child that had come to her in the night, frightened by a terrible dream. He took a few shuddery breaths (he must have brushed his teeth; the smell of alcohol was mostly gone now) and rested his head on her shoulder.

"How did this happen to me, Mir?" he asked. "How did I become like this?"

"It's not your fault, Kira," she answered softly.

"Then whose? Hers?" Kira wondered.

"It wasn't anybody's fault," Miriallia replied. "Or…if it was, it was mine."

"How?"

"Because…I wasn't there for you, Kira. I should've been. You were there for me when Tolle died, and…I think that kept me okay. But you…"

He smiled weakly. "You never change, Mir," he whispered. "It's okay. You don't have to protect me. I should be able to look after myself, right?"

"But not alone, Kira. Nobody should have to be alone," she said.

Kira looked at her, then reached out and put his hand against her cheek. "You're my best friend, Miriallia."

"Huh? Kira…"

"Thank you for stopping me tonight," he whispered, then pulled her face closer. "Do you believe in kindred spirits?"

"I…I don't know…Kira, what are you trying to say?" she asked. There was a strange look in his eyes. What had once been empty and content to be swallowed by the depths of the abyss now saw a lifeline, and was reaching for it with all the might it could muster.

"We've been betrayed, Mir," he continued, his voice heavy. "We've lost people we have loved. Tolle died, Dearka left you…and Lacus…"

"Kira, don't think about it," she pleaded, afraid he was teetering on the edge again.

"No. I won't. Never again."

He kissed her hard, a hand on each side of her head. She did nothing at first, still shocked at the sudden turn of events, but then regained her senses. And for some reason, she kissed him back with just as much force. But it was out of fear that wrapped her arms around him tighter. Fear that if she let him go, she would lose him forever. It was as he said. She was his best friend, the only one left that had not betrayed him. And she wouldn't. She couldn't cause him any more pain than he had suffered today.

His mouth moved and left a trail of kisses down her bare shoulders. When he reached the thin strap of her dress he shoved it down and continued, his hands reaching behind to the zipper and pulling it downwards. Numbed by the combination of her emotions and the pleasure he was giving her, Miriallia could do nothing as he pushed her down onto the bed and pulled the dress down to her waist. A hand that had formerly laid against her cheek slid down to cup her breast.

"You're beautiful, Miriallia," he whispered, his face inches above her own.

"Kira…" she murmured, reaching up for him. He held her hand and nibbled each of her fingertips before placing her arm over her head and lowering his mouth to her breast.

She wanted him to love her. _Really _love her, when he was sober and not haunted by events of the day and confused by the effects of the alcohol. And not just love her body, but love her like he'd loved Lacus. With his heart and mind and soul. And she wanted to cry when she knew how it could never be. If she had not destroyed him in the way that she had, maybe he could have. He could have eventually loved her. But tonight he was only searching for some relief through her. Miriallia had taken away the gun and the alcohol and left only herself as a way to escape. Had she done it on purpose? Maybe.

She thought back to what Athrun had said. Cagalli hadn't needed him, but Lacus did. Lacus hadn't needed Kira though. And now Kira needed her. Anger raged within her when she thought on it. How could Lacus have worn that mask of purity and innocence so long? How couldn't they have seen her narcissism and shallowness behind the kindness and self-sacrificing façade?

Kira fell asleep with his head against Miriallia's breast, his arms locked around her waist. Tenderly, she brushed the damp hair from out of his face and marveled at how childlike he looked. He seemed innocent and pure, and there was an aura of peace surrounding him.

Laying her head back against the pillow, she gently stroked the side of his face. She had made a promise to Athrun. She would keep it.

"I will take care of you Kira. I will always be here as long as you need me. I swear it," she whispered.

She closed her eyes and went to sleep.

**_Vignette 1:_**

**_Fine_**


	2. Vignette 2: I Heard Your Voice

Although we all know the world would be a better place if I owned the characters, I don't.

Vignette Two:

I Heard Your Voice

_You're not a free man yet, Athrun Zala. You've still got a promise to keep…_

It was a beautiful day as his car sped down the freeway bridge, sapphire ocean water sparkling like diamonds below him. The car was a rental, and he had only been in Orb for about an hour and a half. It was 9:00 AM on Thursday, July 16. Exactly twenty-two hours ago, Athrun Zala had cut the ties that had bound him for the past three years. His divorce from Lacus Clyne had gone awkwardly smoothly. There were no property issues, and no custody battles over their two-year-old daughter, Anath.

It had not been a bad marriage. He had been happy with Lacus. Their life together had been peaceful, and he adored the child he had with her. In a way, he had even come to love Lacus herself. She was serene, and loyal. She too had entered the doomed marriage with her heart in another's hands, and yet she stood by Athrun the entire time. But she knew that behind each of his smiles, beneath each of his touches, he was seeing another woman. A wilder woman, with choppy blond hair and tiger eyes.

Cagalli.

She would not forgive him. He knew that. He had abandoned her, raped her of the past three years _she_ should have spent as his wife. He had given his firstborn child to his friend Lacus, not to the woman he loved more than life itself. Not only that, he had allowed that friend Lacus to break the heart of the person Cagalli loved best in the world. Kira had resorted to alcoholism after she left him, and if not for the kindness and selfless love of a blue-eyed, red-haired girl, his soul would have died.

Every day Athrun thanked God for Miriallia. She saved Kira, and comforted Cagalli. She had married the Coordinator about a year ago, and now she was pregnant with his child. Miriallia was Athrun's one tie back to the people he had not seen in person since his wedding. He wrote to her regularly, and would anxiously await news of his former best friend and former lover. And she would always respond promptly. Because they had made a deal. For three years now, Miriallia upheld her end; Kira was safe, happy, and had hope for the future. Now Athrun had to keep his side of the bargain: to salvage his relationship with Cagalli.

He loved her still.

Every night for the past three years, he had dreamed of her. He tried to remember her laugh, her smile, the way she had touched him when they made love. But it had faded. After a while, he could no longer remember the exact sound of her voice, or how tall she was, or her favorite food. And now, all he could remember was her face when he told her it had to end.

_"What?"_

_"…I'm sorry, Cagalli…."_

_"That's it? Everything we've had…it's just gone? Like that?"_

_"Cagalli, don't you get it? We're practically two different species. People already hate it that we're together. We're only making things worse."_

_"I don't give a damn what other people think, Athrun Zala! All I care about is that after all we've been through, you are just going to walk away like this was some fling you had on a military mission!"_

_"Cagalli…"_

_"What the fuck makes you think you can treat me like that? Damn it, I **love** you, Athrun. You said we were going to get married. You put the fucking ring on my finger! And now you're suddenly going to drop it all like a sack of potatoes?"_

_"We're young, Cagalli. I never meant to hurt you, but sometimes plans fall through. Look at Kira and Lacus…"_

_"What do they have to do with anything? This is about you and me, Athrun. And why you're suddenly being such a coward. Did you just wake up this morning, look over at me, and think 'You know, now that I think about it, she doesn't really mean that much to me'?"_

_"Of course not."_

_"Well then tell my why you're doing this!"_

_"…Someone else needs me."_

_"Who?"_

_"…Lacus."_

_"What?"_

_"We were supposed to get married."_

_"So? You broke it off."_

_"She wants it back on."_

_"Are you out of your god damn mind, Athrun? Who cares? She hurt Kira, I hate her enough for that already. Now all of a sudden she wants to marry you again and you say yes?"_

_"It's more complicated than that."_

_"No, it's not. Tell me something, Athrun. Am I the runner up?"_

_"What? What are you talking about?"_

_"The runner up. The one you took because you couldn't have her. Because she fell in love with Kira."_

_"No, Cagalli, it's not like that at all…"_

_"Then why, Athrun? Why in God's name would you lie to me like this? Why would you lead me on so far as to make me think you were going to marry me, and then as soon as a better prospect comes along—"_

_"I love you Cagalli."_

_"Like hell."_

_"She needs me. More than you do."_

_"Damn straight. I **don't** need you at all, Athrun Zala. Get out of my house. Don't you dare ever come back. Have a happy life with her, Athrun. God knows one of us deserves that."_

He had seen the tiger in her eyes that day. If he had been standing a foot closer to her, she probably would have ripped him apart. But that wasn't what gave him nightmares. No, the image that haunted his dreams were the tears that started pouring out of those tiger eyes as he slowly backed out of the room. The hurt and fear and death of her dreams. But the final blow to his soul had been the sob he heard as he walked silently down the hallway of her expansive home. It was a sob of death. The death of their love, of their happiness, of all their hopes and dreams.

He could remember their plans so clearly now, as he approached the palatial residence of the Orb royal family. They were going to get married on Midsummer's night. Kira was going to be the best man; Erica was going to be the Maid of Honor. They wanted to spend their honeymoon on that deserted island where the first met. They were going to start a family, buy a dog…

All Athrun could hope for now was that Cagalli wouldn't shoot him on sight. He sighed. He prayed. He pulled into the exit lane and got on his cell phone.

_I hope he knows what he's doing…_

Miriallia Yamato paced nervously in the reception hall of Orb's palace. Her white blouse and green skirt stretched over her three-month-pregnant stomach, but for the first time in ages she was not thinking of her child. She was thinking of her boss, her sister-in-law, her best friend, and the man who was about to step back into her life.

She clearly remembered the conversation she had had with Athrun Zala on his wedding night. She had promised to look after Kira and Cagalli for him, only to later find Kira one step away from suicide only minutes later. He had been drunk, and passed out in her arms before he could shoot himself. Later, when he had sobered up a little, he had seduced her into sleeping with him. The next day, he agreed to enter a rehab program. A year later, he was clean and back to the same person Miriallia had known since she was a teenager. And six months after that, he had proposed to her. Thrilled, she had accepted.

That had brought her closer to Cagalli as well. The women had already been friends through work, and the ruler of Orb was grateful to her assistant for not only saving her brother's life, but for keeping him saved and helping him forget about the hurt Lacus Clyne had caused. They were sisters now, in every sense of the word.

That was why Miriallia had agreed to help Athrun appeal his case to Cagalli. She knew the only person who would be able to heal Cagalli's broken heart would be the one who broke it. It would be hard, and painful, like opening and draining an infected wound. But in the end, it would be better. She was sure of it.

At that moment, a blue care pulled up in front of the entranceway. A tall man with chin length blue hair and sea green eyes stepped out, and handed the keys to a valet. Taking a deep breath, and putting on the brightest smile she could muster, Miriallia opened the door.

"Athrun," she murmured.

"Miriallia," he replied, holding out his hand to her. But instead of taking it, she put her arms around her and embraced him.

"Thank God you've come," Miriallia whispered, letting go of him.

Athrun smiled reassuringly, and gently placed his hands on her swollen stomach. "So this is Kira's child. A Natural, like her mother."

"His," she smiled. "Kira wanted him to be a Natural, but we both wanted to be able to pick a proper name."

"Have you decided?"

"Yes. His name is Kaene."

Athrun froze. Kaene. After Tolle Kaene. Kira's friend, Miriallia's boyfriend. The boy he had killed in battle. Kira knew, Miriallia didn't. But then again, Miriallia knew he was here, Kira didn't. And yet, that she was naming her son after a man he had killed…it sent shivers down his spine.

"I like it," he said finally.

"Thank you," Miriallia answered, then turned and led him inside. "But that's enough time wasted. You're not here to talk to me, are you Athrun?"

"No, I'm not," he replied gently.

She smiled. "Good. I'm spoken for. My sister-in-law, on the other hand…"

"I'll let you guide me in this, Miriallia. Tell me what to do."

The red-haired woman nodded. "I'm only going to start to in the right direction. From there, it's up to you."

"I know."

The two walked down the long hallway to an office lobby. Miriallia walked around behind the desk and hit a button near the edge.

"Cagalli?"

The ruler's voice answered clearly from the speaker sitting near the desk's corner.

"Yes?"

"Are you busy?"

"Sort of."

"There's someone from the PLANTs here to see you. Should I send him in?"

"Can it wait five minutes?"

Miriallia looked at Athrun, who nodded to her. "Yes, it can wait. I'll send him in at 9:45, okay?"  
"All right. Thanks Mir," Cagalli finished.

"Of course."

She looked at Athrun. "Well, you have five minutes of prep time. Do you know what you're going to say?"

He sighed. "I know what I have to say. I'm not sure of the exact words."

"Athrun…no matter what she says, I know that part of Cagalli still loves you a teeny-tiny bit. Most of her hates your guts," she smiled slightly, "But my mother always used to say a teaspoon of love can overcome a thousand pounds of hate any day."

"Do you think so?"

She nodded.

Athrun sighed again. "I treated her so badly, Miriallia. I don't _deserve_ to be forgiven for what I did to her."

"You're not the one who gets to decide who is forgiven and who isn't. Cagalli is holding that card, I'm afraid," she answered.

"I know."

"…She loved you very much, Athrun. I don't even know if she loves Kira as much as she loved you. I don't understand…"

"Understand what?"

"Why she didn't fight for you instead of against you," Miriallia gave him a sad smile. "I won't sugarcoat it, Athrun. Most of this is your fault. 99, I would guess. But still…there is that 1. You left her, but she let you go. And that guilt is just as heavy for her as yours is for you."

He said nothing. Miriallia looked at the clock on the wall. Five minutes had passed. She patted him on the shoulder reassuringly. "Showtime."

"Wish me luck."

"Only gamblers and soldiers need luck," she replied gently. "Lovers just need hope."

Again, he was silent. Taking a deep breath, he opened the door.

_No…no…this is some kind of sick nightmare…it's fucking impossible…_

She looked like she had seen a ghost. Like she was seeing a ghost. Face pale, infamous tiger eyes wide, Cagalli Ula Atha's gaze was locked on the stoic form of Athrun Zala standing not more than four feet from the other side of her desk. God, he had changed! Taller than she remembered, and his hair was a little longer and darker. Dressed in a black t-shirt and tan suede leather jacket, hands stuck in jeans pockets. His beautiful eyes were fixed on her with some unreadable emotion. A shiver went down her spine. She remembered his eyes all too well. The color of the ocean…

"Hello, Cagalli," he said softly. His voice had barely changed.

"Athrun."

More silence, more staring. Finally, the ruler of Orb spoke again.

"What are you doing here, Athrun?"

He took a wary step forwards. "I came to see you."

"Why?"

"I wanted to."

Cagalli's eyes narrowed slightly at his answer. His ego was starting to emerge. That meant hers would as well, and the old rivalry would begin. Frowning, she folded her hands on her desk and maintained the cool face she had perfected during her political career. "Where's your wife?"

"I don't have a wife anymore."

"You and Lacus divorced?"

"It was finalized yesterday," he answered, pulling his left hand out of his pocket to show that his wedding ring was gone.

Her hands clenched ever so slightly. "I heard you had a child."

"I ceded custody to Lacus. I'm not the father type," Athrun answered.

"Apparently. Not the husband type either," she replied.

The awkward silence returned. But this time, they would not look at each other. Cagalli seemed to have found a flaw on the surface of her desk, and was now examining it meticulously while Athrun admired the plush teal carpet. Several minutes passed before he broke the silence.

"I came to see you," he repeated.

She nodded. "You said that already."

"I wanted to talk."

Cagalli let out an exasperated sigh and rested her forehead against her folded hands. "What is there to talk about, Athrun?"

He walked forward and sat down in front of her desk. "I haven't seen you in over three years, Cagalli. There's a lot we could talk about. How's Kira?"

"Kira's fine," she snapped. "He can't wait for his son to be born."

"I saw Miriallia outside. She's glowing," Athrun shot back.

"I know. She's beautiful. I couldn't be happier for her," Cagalli cried angrily.

"Neither could I!"

She opened her mouth to deliver a nasty retort, but suddenly stopped. Letting out a bitter laugh, she stood up and walked to the window overlooking the courtyard. "What do you know? Picking up right where we left off," she murmured.

Athrun sighed and walked over to her. "I'm sorry."

"Don't worry about it. I think you should leave."

"No," he answered. "Not until I apologize."

"You already did."

"No, I mean," the coordinator took a deep breath. "I need to apologize for…for what happened three years ago."

"Oh," Cagalli's gaze on the courtyard hardened. "You mean you want to apologize for ripping my heart out and driving your car over it? You want to apologize for betraying Kira? You want to apologize for sacrificing every shred of honor and loyalty and all the love you ever had for me, all for a pink-haired pop princess who hurt my brother as bad as you hurt me?"

"…Yes."

Another bitter laugh. She turned and looked at him disgustedly. "I think your divorce has messed you up psychologically, if you think an apology is going to make up for all the hell you put me through."

"I don't think it can," he answered calmly. "Actually, I know it won't. Nothing I could ever do could make what I did right. I hate that fact, but I know it's true."

"Damn straight it's true!" Cagalli growled, turning to face him. "You have a lot of nerve, Athrun Zala. You _left_ me for a woman you knew didn't love you and that you supposedly didn't love. Then when you're sick of her, you decide you can drop her just as fast as you dropped me, _and _leave her with your child, then race down here and try to apologize and make things better between us?"

"Cagalli…" he reached for her hand.

"Don't!" she cried, yanking it backwards. She backed away slowly, shaking her head in anger. "Don't you dare touch me, you sick, heartless bastard."

"Fine! Fine, I won't touch you," he answered loudly, raising his hands and stepping back. But then his face hardened. "I'm not going to try to make everything better with a few words, Cagalli. I'm not going to expect you to forgive me. Ever. But I sure as hell am not giving up on you."

"What?" she cried.

"You're right. Lacus didn't love me. And no matter what you choose to believe, I didn't love her either. She was my friend, and I had to be there for her. These last three years, _you_ are all I've been able to think of, did you know that?" he looked away. "I would be home alone, and I would be sure I heard you calling me from somewhere else. I dreamed of you at night. I would see you on the street and try to follow you, only to find out that it was someone else. It was torture, Cagalli."

"Torture you could have avoided if you stayed with me in the first place!" she snapped back. She pounded her fist against the desk. "Damn it Athrun, if you wanted me, why didn't you hold on to me when you had me?"

"Because you didn't want me!"

She stared at him in disbelief. "Where in God's name would you get an idea like that?"

"You didn't obsess about me, did you Cagalli? You didn't see hallucinations that looked like me, didn't cry out my name when you were sleeping with some other guy," he turned to face her. "You didn't hold on to _me_ when I left."

She was quiet, then answered in a dangerously shaky voice. "What was I supposed to do, Athrun? Guess that you were playing extreme hard-to-get? You loved Lacus, and—"

"Damn it Cagalli, _I did not love Lacus_!"

His own voice was shaky now. He could feel tears at his eyes, and could already see Cagalli's starting to spill forth.

"Then why did you marry her, Athrun? Is it so important that she has children that you would give up everything you and I had together? Were you so insecure that you were willing to hurt me this much?"

"I never wanted to hurt you!" he answered, fighting to hold the angry tears back. "I loved _you_, Cagalli! You! Not Lacus! God, you are the first woman I ever really loved, and the only one I have ever loved since!"

"If you loved me, you wouldn't have left me!" she yelled back. "You don't know what I've been through, Athrun. These past three years, I have had to sit back and watch everyone close to me get their happily-ever-afters. I couldn't let myself fall in love again because I was so afraid that all guys would suddenly become like you. I drove myself crazy with all this work, because it was the only thing that kept me from thinking about you. Or didn't you hear about that? How I had to spend three months in a mental hospital after having a nervous breakdown?"

"Cagalli, I'm sorry!" Athrun cried, unable to hold back anymore. "I am…so….sorry. If I could go back in time, I would have never done what I did. I would have married you. Had children with you. It would have been different."

She shook her head slowly. "You can't change the past Athrun," she whispered.

"I know."

As if that were the final straw, she let out a gasping sob and put her head down on her desk. With nothing left to say, Athrun headed for the door, but when his hand was on it, he stopped. Pausing, he looked back at her, then walked over and put a hand on her shoulder. She did not shake it off.

"Do you know what this reminds me of? All this yelling and crying?" he asked softly.

"What? What does it remind you of Athrun?" she muttered into the desk.

"That day you found me. The day I should have died. But I didn't. Because of you," he answered.

The sobs stopped. Slowly, Cagalli raised her head and stared straight forward. "I remember. You had…tried to kill Kira. We found the Strike, but he was gone. And I found you…"

He nodded. "When I woke up, the first thing I remember was that I heard your voice in the darkness. And I felt relieved. Like I was in heaven without being dead."

"I hated you," Cagalli murmured. "I thought you had killed Kira. And I didn't want to believe it. Because…because of how kind you had been to me that night we first met. I didn't want to believe someone as gentle and honest as you could have killed him."

"We cried a lot, didn't we?" Athrun said.

She nodded. "We cried…and we yelled…"

"And then you gave me this." With a soft click, he dropped the amulet she had given him so many years before onto the desk. Tilting her head, she reached out and picked it up, examining it as though it were diamond instead of a polished rock.

"You kept it," she whispered.

He nodded. "I couldn't let it go. That would mean letting go of the last part of you I still had. But I think…I think it's time to let it go now. It would be best if we just closed this chapter in our lives."

Athrun turned to leave again. "I'm sorry again, Cagalli. For every bad thing I ever did to you. I'm sorry."

He reached for the doorknob.

"Athrun, wait!" Cagalli said. He turned back to see her wiping her face with the back of her hand and walking towards him. Reaching up, she put the necklace back on him.

"It was never meant as a token of love," she said. "It was meant to protect you. Because you do stupid things." Cagalli paused. "Please, keep it."

He nodded. "I understand." He turned away again.

"I'm not done," she touched his shoulder. Athrun looked at her curiously. Cagalli inhaled deeply. "Athrun…I don't want to see you for at least a week. Not until I've recovered from all of this. It was only about twenty minutes, but still…it was intense. But after that…I want to talk. I mean, really talk. Not yell, or cry, or anything. Do you think we could do that?"

Athrun nodded again. "A week. Where?"

"Here."

"Understood. I will be there."

"Thank you."

He turned and walked out the door.

_**Vignette 2:**_

_**Fine**_


End file.
